Differences Between Men and Women

Ever wonder why when you try to create intimacy with your husband or boyfriend he seeks solitude? Why he never just asks for directions? Or why your woman gets angry with you when you're really just trying to help her with something she is struggling to do? I've complied a list of the most accurate differences between men and women here, as described by Dr. John Gray, David Deida, Ken Wilber, and others. Keep these in mind during all of your relationships, and you will be able to avoid the major pitfalls that most people will never comprehend.

Values

Generally, masculine values include personal achievement, efficiency, and power. These values have their roots in evolutionary challenges for resources.

While women tend to value relationships, love, and communication. These values also have their roots in the development of human social communication, such as gossip (which, interestingly, according to Dr. Jonathan Haidt is probably our most important evolutionary development). They were also necessary for effective human child-rearing (human children are born prematurely because of our large brains) and community forming.

Where the 'Self' and integrity is derived from

Men derive their sense of sense mainly from their ability to achieve goals. They aim to be self-reliant (hence so many complaints by women about men not asking for help). They value their resources and power, and thus often become workaholics.
Women derive their sense of identity from their relationships and their support system. Having a healthy standing with her family is important. She feels the need to communicate with her friends and family, especially her children, more than men do. Women tend to value their relationships more than men do. They also derive much of their sense of self from their feelings in the moment.

Methods for Dealing with Stress

When stressed, men tend to become focused, and often appear emotionally distant to those around them. Dr. John Gray calls this, "Going into his cave". He seeks solitude where he can think about his problems on his own, or he immerses himself in another activity to take his mind off of it (like watching television). If it is clear that he needs help with something, he may seek out someone whom he trusts and admires to give him advice. Ultimately, men are concerned about fixing their problems, and are happiest when they can do it on their own.

Women like to talk about their problems far more than men do, and they find relief in doing so. They become emotionally involved in their problems, and often cry, become outraged or ecstatic. They tend to use problems to get close to those around them, and will enjoy talking about challenges with their friends, not necessarily to solve them, but to use them as a chance to bond. Generally, I believe that women heal faster than men for smaller problems.

Appreciates

Men tend to appreciate acceptance. It is said that the direction of society is shaped by women, because of men's desperate need of acceptance (they will not continue behavior that women do not appreciate). Men love to feel trusted, and crave it in relationships. When their partner trusts them, they feel that they are accepted as having competencies, which they generally work hard to achieve. Finally, men appreciate achievement, and tend to respect those who have found success.

Women appreciate validation in relationships. They enjoy love and attention from those around them. For a women, walking into a room and becoming the center of attention, because of her stunning beauty, is a great compliment. They desire understanding from their partner, and connection from the people close to her. She thrives on social connections.

Interesting Metaphors for Men and Women

Men are like elastic bands (Dr. John Gray), because they sometimes need intimacy, before needing to spring back and find solitude. Their periods of solitude make them crave intimacy, and too much intimacy makes them feel stifled.

Consciousness (David Deida) - men tend to stand and observe, unwavering and emotionally detached. This is why, Deida and Wilber argue, men founded many religions and meditative practices where the object is to restrain connection with the material work, and simply observe.

Women are like waves (Dr. John Gray), because they tend to go through periods of ecstatic happiness, before they come crashing down to experience deeper emotions. It seems that this happens in an almost cyclical fashion.

Object/Energy (Hindu and Buddhist traditions, Ken Wilber, Deida) - since women enjoy being observed, for instance when dancing, etc., they have been compared to energy and the object of the man's consciousness. This is a more esoteric comparison, that reaches back from early Hinduism (Shakti is the energy of the universe, and her husband, Shiva, is divine consciousness).